Men Deserve Better

Our mental health system doesn’t work for men. Let’s change that.

This week is officially Men’s Health Week, the annual observance leading up to Father’s Day. While conversations about physical fitness and screenings for prostate cancer and heart disease matter, one area critically needs to be emphasized in my opinion: men’s mental health.

For decades, society has tried to “fix” men by making them more like women. “Open up.” “Stop being so stoic.” “Your toxic masculinity is killing you.” The message is clear: men are the problem. But what if the real problem isn’t men at all? What if our feminized mental health system is the thing that’s failing the men it claims to help?

Men and women experience and process emotions differently. That’s not a flaw that needs to be changed… it’s biology and evolution at work! Yet instead of improving systems that respect those differences, we shame boys and men into changing. The results speak for themselves. Men die by suicide at nearly four times the rate of women in the United States. Despite years of “destigmatization” campaigns that push men toward traditional talk therapy and vulnerability sharing, male suicide rates remain stubbornly high, and the gender gap hasn’t narrowed.

When something harms women, we change society. When something harms men, we tell men to change. That double standard isn’t compassionate or fair… it’s victim-blaming pretending to be progress.

Men are not defective women. For many of the men I speak with, the idea of sitting in an office and “sharing feelings” for an hour feels like torture, even counterproductive. They want solutions. They want action. They want to fix things. Our current system rarely offers that. Instead, it often pathologizes normal male traits like stoicism, problem-solving and a desire for autonomy, and labels them as “barriers to healing.”

The workforce delivering this care pours fuel on the fire. Recent data shows women comprise roughly 76% of therapists in the United States. In psychology specifically, the male share has plummeted from around 68% in 1968 to about 20% today. Where are the loud demands for “gender equality now!” in this area?

Many men report preferring a male therapist—someone who intuitively understands male communication styles, pressures, and experiences without the risk of being judged through a lens that views masculinity itself as the issue. When male therapists are scarce, men simply opt out of care altogether.

Then there’s the hypocrisy. Society urges men to “open up,” yet simultaneously tells them to “shut up.” Last year, the term “mankeeping” went viral after research from a Stanford scholar described the “unreciprocated work” women supposedly perform managing men’s emotional and social needs as an “unpaid burden on women.” In the middle of a male mental health and loneliness crisis, this framing is not only tone-deaf—it’s dangerous. It turns natural partnership into grievance and discourages women from supporting the men they love.

I’m not a mental health expert, but I care deeply about the men in my life and in society. Real solutions require moving beyond slogans and shaming. Here are concrete steps that I believe could actually make a difference:

1. Expand alternative, action-oriented approaches to care.

Traditional therapy works well for some, but it’s not universal. Men often respond better to structured, goal-directed methods. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy stands out here. It helps reprocess traumatic memories through bilateral stimulation rather than requiring endless talking many men don’t enjoy. A lot of people find EMDR less intimidating and more effective for trauma, anxiety, and depression because it feels purposeful and results-oriented. EMDR worked well for me personally to work through lingering trauma from a near-death accident I had as a young girl, so I know its benefits firsthand.

Walking therapy, discussing issues while moving through nature, combines physical movement, fresh air, and reduced eye contact, which can lower defensiveness. Research consistently shows nature walks reduce stress hormones, improve mood, ease anxiety and depression, and restore mental clarity. These approaches respect how many men naturally process challenges: through action, movement, and problem-solving. Stop telling boys and men they are broken girls who just need to “feel more.” Meet them where they are.

2. Actively recruit and support more men in HEAL careers.

We’ve spent decades pushing women into STEM fields with scholarships, mentorships, and campaigns. Why not apply the same energy to getting more young men into Health, Education, Administration, and Literacy (HEAL) professions—especially therapy and counseling? Male therapists are in short supply, and men are more likely to seek help when a male provider is available. Targeted programs, financial incentives, and school outreach could begin reversing the dramatic decline in male representation in these fields. Representation matters on both sides of the couch.

3. Address the real-world pressures facing boys and men.

Mental health does not exist in a vacuum. Boys are falling behind in education—lower grades, higher suspension rates, and dramatically lower college enrollment. Male-dominated industries have faced upheaval, and economic uncertainty hits men hard when provider expectations remain. These structural issues erode purpose and self-worth. We can’t fix men’s mental health while ignoring why so many feel lost. Support boys in school with approaches that work for male learning styles. Invest in economic opportunity for men. Treat these as mental health issues too.

4. End cultural misandry and the constant shaming of masculinity.

Men have become society’s favorite punching bag. From media to classrooms, masculinity is routinely framed as toxic or oppressive. This constant messaging takes a toll. Boys internalize that their natural traits are liabilities. “Men are bad.” “Men are inherently privileged.” “Men are the problem!” Ending this cultural blame game doesn’t mean ignoring bad behavior but recognizing that masculinity benefits everyone. Respecting men as men is essential for their mental well-being.

5. Give women practical tools instead of burden narratives.

Rather than labeling women’s support for men as “mankeeping” or unpaid labor, equip women with resources to help the men in their lives effectively. Understanding male psychology, communication differences, and what actually helps strengthens relationships. Strong partnerships benefit both partners. Frame support as mutual care, not one-sided burdens. Perhaps we can even set up a place online where women can go as a resource to properly support the men in their lives. I would have appreciated that for relationships in my past when I felt I didn’t know how to handle a situation. It could have saved the life of one boyfriend in particular.

6. Adjust unrealistic and conflicting expectations of men.

Men are still expected by many women to be providers and protectors while also being endlessly emotionally available on demand and do more at home. They face pressure to succeed financially, stay physically strong, and now perform vulnerability in ways that may not come naturally. These contradictory demands create despair. We need honest conversations about what modern manhood looks like—strong, responsible, and emotionally intelligent without requiring men to abandon their core wiring. Women must look at their expectations of men today. Are women being hypocrites?

7. Stop over-diagnosing and over-medicating normal boy behavior.

Boys are diagnosed with ADHD at roughly twice the rate of girls. In many cases, what gets labeled a disorder is simply boy energy like fidgeting, rougher play, and higher activity levels, clashing with increasingly sedentary, female-dominated classrooms. Medication can help genuine cases, but widespread labeling and medicating of normal developmental traits risks long-term harm to self-image and development. We need better discernment, more movement in schools, and less demonization of boyhood.

8. Acknowledge men’s real vulnerabilities.

Men face unique pressures too. Dating markets reward height and looks (hence phenomena like “lookmaxxing”). Economic shifts, social media comparison, and shifting gender roles create anxiety. Fatherhood brings its own silent burdens. Recognizing these pressures without dismissing them as “privilege” or turning them into jokes validates men’s experiences and opens doors to real support. Men are increasingly having issues like eating disorders. Reducing stigma and recognizing they struggle too could save lives.

9. Change our family court system.

The family court system is long overdue for serious reform. Men and fathers face systemic disadvantages with consequences that are devastating. Family breakdown is already linked to elevated suicide rates, but the data is especially stark for separated men: research shows they’re up to eight times more likely to die by suicide than married men, particularly in the immediate aftermath of separation and among younger men. The current system fails fathers when they need support the most, and this crisis demands urgent attention. Judges need proper training to recognize and counteract gender bias, and true fairness (equal treatment under the law!) must finally become the standard in every family courtroom.

10. Embrace the return of male spaces.

Over the past few decades, dedicated male-only spaces have largely disappeared with serious consequences. One of the most visible results is a worsening loneliness epidemic among men, who increasingly report fewer close friendships and meaningful social connections. To address this, society needs to actively support and encourage male groups and spaces. At the same time, women should respect the value of these environments rather than push to change or enter them. Recent research indicates that liberal women are the least likely to view male groups and spaces as beneficial to society. Women would benefit from greater awareness of the importance of male friendships and male-only spaces—and of how best to support their existence. You can’t complain about “mankeeping” and at the same time dismiss the value of men’s groups, friendships and spaces.

11. Create a federal Office of Men’s Health.

The U.S. government has multiple offices dedicated to women’s health across HHS, NIH, FDA, CDC, and other agencies—eight of them actually. There’s zero equivalent for men. A dedicated Office of Men’s Health could coordinate research, track outcomes, develop targeted interventions, and allocate resources proportionally to male-specific challenges, including suicide, substance abuse, and mental health struggles. Parity here is long overdue. Bipartisan proposals for such an office already exist and they deserve serious support.

Change won’t come from demanding men be more like women. It will come from building a mental health ecosystem that respects biological and psychological differences, values masculine traits, and offers multiple pathways to strength and healing.

When we properly support boys and men through systems that fit them, cultural respect instead of shame, and practical solutions rather than slogans and terms that do serious damage, everyone wins. Families are stronger. Communities are safer. Society becomes more balanced and harmonious.

Men do not need to be fixed. Our approach to their mental health does. It’s time we stopped blaming them for the failures of a system that isn’t expanding with them truly in mind and started building something better.

The men in our lives deserve it.